Occlumency
by Elizabeth Fox
Summary: A story of the love between a student and teacher. Pain, romance, love, and all that comes with it. ;   Snape fans will love the internal stuggle his goes through knowing he is in love with a student but shouldnt be. SS/OC Adult content.
1. Diving into blackness

His dark eyes bore into mine as I stood, mortified, in the corner of the room. Had he seen everything? He twitched his lips as if to speak, changed his mind, and remained silent. How did this happen? I try to force myself to remember but I just can't recall when this reality shoved it smug foot through the door. Was it years ago when I had been accepted into the school? Or not until friends suggested his class to me speaking so highly of the professor I had only glimpsed walking the halls. Maybe it wasn't until the first day I set foot in his classroom.I excelled so easily past the other students it was alarming. This drew his eyes to me. The first time I gazed into those eyes I thought I wouldn't be able to look away. I felt as though I could jump in to them and swim through the blackness of those pools. We made time soon after for private tutoring sessions. Once a week I would journey to his living quarters where his office was located to have my lesson.

I remember walking up to that door for the first time afraid that everyone around me could hear my heart beating just as loud as I could. I knocked softly on the door and it opened with no helping hand. I stepped forward into the dim lighting and I heard the wooden door gently click behind me. Only as my eyes strained to adjust to the new surroundings did I realize how curious I was about what lied on the other side of the solid door now latched behind me. Mounted shelves lined the walls filled with glass vials and containers only some of which I recognized the contents of. The floor was stone and cold despite the dreary red colored rug lain across it. A feeble looking chair sat in the corner of the room obviously out of place. It gave me the feeling that it was brought here just for me. Goose bumps creeping up my arms I turned quickly to the other side of the room. A large mahogany looking desk sat by the wall with only an inkbottle, quill, and a flickering lantern setting on it. I watched the fire for a moment before it started to dance more intensely. I glace over to find the cause is my professor's appearance, his robes just coming to a rest at his sides. I look up to see the serious expression that occupied the wrinkles around his eyes and mouth most days. He looks at me and the word "Occlumency" came out in a silky tone as serious as his expression.

That was the first day I was challenged to strengthen my mind. I sat in that old chair trying not to yield my thoughts, fears, emotions, and memories to those black pools. Week after week he challenged me, attempting to break me. And every week I bore more of my soul each time. Some nights all I could see as I fought for sleep were his eyes. Sleepless nights were full of dreams of drowning in black pools. And as he pushed farther into my mind I found my days too were filled thoughts of diving into dark pools.

He must have sensed this. How could he not have known? He was the only person, besides me, who knew my mind so well. Yet, I still tried to hide the fact I was slowly becoming enthralled with him. I asked questions in class just to hear his silky voice, almost daring him to say my name and send those familiar shivers down my spine. My friends thought I was losing my grip on reality, telling me more often than not I was staring into space with a vacant expression in my eyes. I thought nothing of it until now.

The way my body responded to him now was a complete betrayal. Not that the image hadn't crossed my mind… once. While studying in the library, or in class learning about muggles and those little faces in the walls that make their things work. Maybe even as I twirled my pasta around my plate in the Great Hall at dinner time. No, he couldn't have seen the way I pictured us in my mind. With my arms wrapped around his neck, my fingers woven into the long dark hair draped to his neck. Or how his hand cupped the small of my back as he bit down gently on my soft pink lip. Or how when his hands ran down my stomach my body shivered with pleasure.

"Please tell me you didn't see that." I thought. "Please please please." I built up the courage to look at his face desperately avoiding his eyes. The serious look still lingered there. He just looked back at me, for what could have been forever, the silence slowly deafening me. When the corner of his mouth flicked upward I let out a soft moan of despair. "He saw!" I yelled in my head. "No, no, no!"

He hesitantly took and few steps toward me before striding up to me so close I could feel his soft breath on my cheek. I was stiff as though I had been stunned and couldn't feel my finger tips. I tried fiercely to move them with no avail. I had no choice but to stand there, frozen, feeling his soft breath on my face. When he reached into his robes I felt my eyes widen and flinched slightly as he raised his wand to eye level. His large hand griped the base of it tightly as he placed the tip to his temple. Barley loud enough for me to hear the word "memoriae" slipped though his lips.

If I had any time to wonder what he had cast it was mere seconds because almost instantly the pools I have become so obsessed with began to ripple. I was captivated immediately. It was as though a rope tied to the center of my chest was tugging me toward them. A mixture of colors swam in the blackness of my professors eyes. Red, bronze, and a milky cream pulled me deeper into him until the image of a young women with chestnut colored hair appeared. Her body was stripped of any clothing and her cream skin was flawless. Long legs were attached to thick hips. Above were two strong hands holding her around the middle. My eyes lingered on her plump round breasts, nipples firm with anticipation, before moving to her face. Her soft lips a beautiful pink and her eyes, a green I recognize.

My body jerked suddenly backwards tearing the rope sharply from my chest. The picture in his eyes fades into their former black. Panicked by our closeness I ran as fast as I could out the door with no master. My legs, with a mind of their own, moved underneath me not stopping even as I hear my name being called down the hall after me. "Autumn Wait!" With my mind racing I only stop when I enter and empty corridor. I rest my back against the cool stone wall, sink to the floor, and rest my head on my knees. My damp hair falls around me and I stare at its chestnut color.


	2. A different point of view

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or the ideas and/or characters from Harry Potter. Adult content.**

"Autumn wait!" I cry as I watch her flee my office. I ran to the door just in time to see her long curls disappear around the corner. A fire ignites in my chest. I feel it grow and soon it explodes into an anger that makes it hard to see. I grip the side of the door and in one sharp movement slam it hard enough to knock several items off my shelves. They crach to the floor where they shatter. A rancid smell fills the room and I gag as I raise my wand. "Repairo" I snap and the glass vials jump back onto the shelf as if nothing happened. With one more wave of my wand the potions are back in there correct containers as well and the smell slowly begins to fade.

Unable to sit still I begin to pace the room. "What was I thinking?" I say to no one in particular. "I could lose my job over this. If she says anything…" my voice trails off into silence. With the heat in my chest tamed to a smolder I let myself sink into the chair behind my desk. I thought I had come to know her so well. Wasnt I the one who penetrated her mind? Pushing her more then I should have but only so I could know her better. All the while denying I had developed any kind of feelings for her. "She is just a student" I would tell myself, until a few moments ago.

When I dove into her mind I felt a resistance I never had before. It sparked my curiosity and I eagerly began to break down the walls she had put up against me. It was unnatural how hungry I was for more of her. I can see that now. But I kept making my way through the labyrinth of her mind anyway, until I felt it. Her nimble fingers tracing up my chest before weaving themselves into my hair, my mouth with a mind of its own biting into her supple lips, and her soft breasts pressing firmly into my body. They sent a wave of pleasure from my chest all they way to my fingertips. The feeling was no less then incredible. Far too soon it was over and I was thrust from her. I stumbled backward nearly falling into my desk. I straighted myself and looked over at her. I could have just left it at that as I stood there examining the look on her face. I could have just ended the lessons and never spoke of it again. Only having to see her in class for a few hours a week would give us both a chance to get over the embarrassment. But I didn't. She was too beautiful, even with a nervous sweat trickling down her temples, not to take the chance.

I put my head in my hands and try to remember what made me think that showing her that part of me was a good idea. "Brilliant." I whisper. The look on her face when she broke the spell was no less then horror. Dread washed over me as I thought of what could occur in the next few days. If she told her head of house, Professor Sprout, I would lose my job. I would lose my home before the year came to an end. Not to mention all, if any, friends I have made here over the years. Then another thought crossed my mind. When the headmaster comes to me I will just deny it. But almost as soon as the thought crossed my mind I knew there was no chance of convinceing anyone she was lying to hurt me. I am not the kind of person people want to believe. I shake my head and know in my heart, even if I could convince them, I would never try.

For the next few days I went about life as normal as possible. Teaching my classes, eating meals in the great hall, and taking house points from those who were not in my own. If I am to be honest I did the later more than usual. All the while I never saw Autumn once and the few times I spoke with Sprout she showed not an oz of hostility toward me. Even so, Thursday came fast and my lecture with the Hufflepuff 6th years was only minutes away. My stomach clenched and a cool sweat dampened my hands. "This is stupid." I thought to myself. "She is one girl, and if she hasn't said anything yet I don't think she plans to." The second hand of the clock above my door steadily ticked toward the XII. I took a deep breath, put on my best scowl, and opened the door to let the students into class. The crowd of jabbering Hufflepuffs fell silent with one look and funneled into the room. "Quickly" I snapped as they sat at their tables. "We have a complicated lesson today and will need every minute of the hour to complete it." Before everyone has their books out I begin to lecture. Trying to get through their think heads the difference between a subtle boil and a deep simmer was going to be just shy of impossible. After a few minutes of watching them feverishly scribble notes onto parchment I chanced a look in the direction of Autumn's seat. I was taken aback by what I saw and even stumbled over my words before continuing on with the lecture.

I blinked hard a few times to make sure what I saw was real. There were dark purple circles under her eyes. The vivid green they once were was now tarnished and over powered by blotchy patches of red. The hair that escaped her loose pony tail did nothing to hide the new gauntness in her face. I am certain I could easily see her ribs if her shirt was not covering her sides. Had she not eaten in days? For the rest of the hour I watch her, not quite sure what I'm looking for. I notice that she never lifts her eyes from where she took notes at her table. Notes I knew she didn't need to take. I had seen her brew this potion more than once myself. Even when her hand stopped writing for a moment she kept her head down staring at her feet.

I find myself wishing I knew what she was thinking. It's been less than four days since… the incident and I want to know what it meant to her, even if the answer is nothing. I finish up the lecture and dismiss my students. I dont hide now that I am watching her as she packs her things to leave. Her hands shake slightly as she picks up each book and places them into her bag. The sight sent little daggers though my chest. I have to force myself not to reach out and touch her. I quickly shake my head to rid myself of the feeling. "Why have I let myself get so attached to her? I never should have made this kind of a connection with a student." I turn to walk away when I see her lift her face. Against my better judgement I take the chance and look directly into her eyes, but as soon as I do I wish I hadn't. All I see there is hurt and tears welling up in them. I turn away not able to look any more and listen to her footsteps softly walk away.

The rest of the night I stay in my room, calling for a house elf to bring me my dinner. The finest array of food was brought to me and I almost feel guilty as I push it around my plate without taking a bite. I'm pathetic. Sitting alone im my room brooding is somthing I havnt done since grade school, but I cant seem to help it. I have made a connection with her and now I cant stop thinking about her. About this one beautiful, intelligent, and insightful girl. With my mind spinning, I turn toward my room to retire for the night when I hear the door click and swing open. My body froze in an impossible hope. No one is able to enter my quarters without my permission but as I recall one person does. Her words meet my ears and a warmth like the summer sun envelopes me. "Professor Snape? I... I'm here for my lesson" And when I turn around my eyes are met by vivid green.

**I hope you enjoyed! Please review. 3**


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